Frangipani

I think i have become a shade paler. All that made me, me,  seems to have lost a tinge. Dropped a note. Lost a symbol. Lost. My strengths there were aplenty. I felt I could touch the sky. I pushed my people to believe and fly. And then - my flight was stopped... All I did made no difference. I wasn't like the others they said. I didn't want to be like the others! I was me, why should I be the other? I wasn't like the others they said ... I lost my color, my drive. I stopped pushing my people to excel. I didn't want to be a role model who got it all wrong. They are looking for clones. But me - I'm looking for me... My colors have faded. My mind is uneasy. Was all this a lie? Will the truth not emerge? Will I find me and what my destiny is?

History buzzing past, making sounds like it never will in the future. Blue versus red; red all over. Red to black...only time will tell. Hours and months of hard work. Anxious wait. Silence. A pat on the back? Discreet cough. Walk the talk - day in, day out. In a language that is not mine. New tongue. New eyes. Same heart. Old values. But do values age too? New ideals. Just words. How do I find the bird that sings all through? Conviction. Concession. Confession No more belonging. Just a longing. To find the start of the path. To a new world. Confession.

To be or not to be Are these the only possible states? In the va et vient, Isn't there a state which is in-between? Then, why will I not be that...why can I not be? Why do I always have to be at one end or the other? The journey is made of the walking, the stopping, the pausing, and the u-turns Then, why does just the start and end qualify? The breaths in between, the sweat, the tears, the smiles, the falls, the fear, the anxiety... All of it is the state of being.